Am I over-reacting here ?

I feel really angry and hurt. My Grandpa died suddenly just over 4 weeks ago. I started working for a company 4.5 months ago. I didnt tell many ppl at work what had happened I was upset and didnt want to get upset at work. For the last 4 months, a colleagues mother in law has had a stroke then got cancer and now has died. The colleague is on holiday. We all share a room at work and the other colleages arranged a card and flowers whereas I got nothing. I feel like they dont like me and have forgotten about my loss. I was asked for money towards flowers and although I like the person I felt so hurt that I said we should all be treated the same and was told that this was different by a colleague who then didnt even ask me to sign the card so when this lady comes back to work she'll think I am a horrible person for not signing her card !!!





I am very angry with this person at work who didnt even ask me to sign the card and told me "you do whatever the hell you like!"

Am I over-reacting here ?
that's the problem with privacy, you usually get it.


then realize it's not what you wanted at all.





yes, you are over reacting, but i can relate to it. it's not the end of the world. he didn't ask you to sign the card because of the way you reacted when he asked for money, so you can't be too mad at that.





situation solved: buy a card yourself and leave it on her desk. not everyone can donate money anyway, times are tough, but we can always afford a card.
Reply:I think there's a combination of things going on.


- People don't know you very well, and they know this other person better.


- You only told a few people and probably made it clear that you didn't want the whole office to know because you didn't want to be upset. They probably (and rightly) felt that having the office at large present you with a card would be hurtful and uncomfortable for you. That IS what you seem to have indicated. Seems to me you should appreciate the fact that these few honored your wishes on the matter, and kept your private stuff private.





I wonder how they feel about that NOW?


Probably back-stabbed.


Maybe you should look into that, and try to mend any offenses, since these few people sound like friends worth having.





- The other is a death at the end of long illness, which everyone probably knew about as well. Of COURSE they would get a card!





I suggest that if you want all your colleagues to recognise your personal issues, you tell them all about the things that go on with you; and if you keep stuff private, be glad those few you tell are also keeping your private stuff private.





I suggest that you get a card for the lady, and if you want you can explain how you understand since you also had a recent loss.





If you do talk to her, DO NOT minimize her loss by up-playing your own! This current thing is about HER loss.





You wished to keep yours private.





The person you are angry with is probably irritated about your flip-flop on what you want private and what you don't, and doesn't know what the hell you want from her.


She probably didn't ask you to sign the card due to your reaction to being asked for money for flowers. You made it all about YOU.





You need to make up your mind what you want here.


Do you want your private stuff private, or do you want everyone to know so they can sympathize?





Make up your mind and then go mend bridges.
Reply:I can understand your hurt, but you said that you did not tell many people. Maybe the one or two people you told did not tell anyone and you did say your grandfather died suddenly. The other colleague's mother-in-law has been battling cancer for awhile, so that is forefront in the minds of everyone.





Maybe if it is to late to sign the card, you could get one of your own.
Reply:yes
Reply:No, I don't think you are over reacting to this. Everyone would liked to be acknowledged for the loss you suffered. It was very rude and thoughtless of the your co-workers to not have treated you as kindly. They should be the ones embarrassed by their behavior. I myself am very sorry for you loss.
Reply:You didn't tell people about your loss... How do you expect them to show sympathy?


And, you like the woman, but let your petty little self pity take over and cause you to hurt someone who did nothing wrong.


No, you were not allowed to sign the card because you didn't contribute to the effort. Why should you be allowed to take credit for everyone else's donation?


Now, you cannot expect to be treated the same as someone who has been there longer than you. And, frankly, from your post, I feel pretty confident in saying that as jealous as you are, you won't EVER be treated as a friend in that office.


Grow up.


**Ok.. so for 19 years you choose to stay away. Yes, he could have contacted you, but that road runs both ways.


Bottom line, it's not the fault of the people in the office that you didn't choose to share with them. It IS, however, your fault that you choose to act like a petty child.
Reply:The squeaky wheel gets all the oil! Perhaps this one person does not like you - so what? You are being jealous of the attention this vacationing women is getting. Stop that! Jealousy is a worm that eats a hole in your heart. Think about it. Are you looking for attention for your sorrow? Your relationship/sorrow with your G.P. belongs to you and really doesn't need attention, except by YOU. In the mean time....don't let other's inconsiderations control your emotions. Some people's intelligence (or lack thereof) is just not worth acknowledging! I am sorry for your loss and if I was in your office, you bet you'd get cards and flowers! Blessed Be
Reply:yes you are overreacting. you choose a month ago not to have people know so they could not have helped you or comfort you so it is not their fault someone else is reaching out and they are comforting them but if you want to sign the card you should . you choose to keep your personal life quiet but that doesnot mean you don't care about others. buck up quit the sorry for me thing; sign the card and go on!!
Reply:Well, it seems to me that you're co-workers just didn't realize how much of a huge loss your grandfather was.





I suspect the problem was two-fold A) not many people knew about his tragic death and B) not many people in your office know you very well.





When this other person comes back, have a little talk about her, tell her about your grandfather, and then you can use each other for mutual support.





For this person you are angry at, I say "forgive and forget" seems like this person is not worth getting worked up for.
Reply:You have the right to feel how-ever you want to feel,but it more sounds like you want people to feel sorry for you.And when they don't, you get up-set.Sounds a little immature to me.All you are saying is they like him better than me.How long has he worked there?4 months or 10 years.There is a difference.And besides why care?